The calendar flips and suddenly our lives are altered.  That’s what a New Year feels like, right?  All the things we’ve been putting off, at least since the fall, become the first items on our resolutions list.  Like many of you, I’ve been making and breaking resolutions for years.  

Making resolutions stems from our inherent understanding that change is good.  No matter how uncomfortable it can make us feel while we’re in the process, change is one of the most natural parts of being alive in this universe.  You’ve heard it said that “if you’re not changing you’re dying,” right?

Change is inevitable.  Every moment of our lives is different than the one before it (yes, this is true even if you feel like you have the most monotonous job and life in the world).  The challenge for most of us is deciding whether or not we want to captain our own ship and determine what changes we’ll undertake or if we’d rather just “go with the flow” and see what the world hands us.

The same people who kick and scream and insist that they are the masters of their free will (when talking to me about my work as a hand analyst) are always the same folks who tell me all the reasons that they CAN’T change.  Some of their reasons are because their spouse, parents, or kids wouldn’t be happy if they decided to take on that volunteer position, took skiing lessons or signed up for graduate class in the Spring.  Other reasons are that they have to work at a job that they hate because it pays the bills.  They have to spend more than they make because the stuff they’re buying makes them feel alive and valuable.  Look, I do it too.  I convince myself all of the time that I just can’t do something because I have to do something else.  That is until I’m sick and tired of where I am in my life and finally recognize that they’ve turned the role of “captain” over to a bunch of beliefs that never really suited me.

Then it’s time to change.  The truth is, you can only hide out from feeling melancholy, empty, angry, frustrated, sad, lost, isolated, sleepy, bored, irritated, hungry, fat, unfulfilled (you pick which one) for so long before you know it’s time to change.

The beginning of a bright shiny year is when most people look back at all the things they think made them less than enthused with their lives and look ahead to all the things they think will make it all better.  Then they write those new things down, “No more french-fries,” “Think positively every day,” “leave the cheating spouse,” “get the cheating spouse to stop cheating, or else” etc.

Now the fun begins, right?  Sticking to the resolutions is where the work begins.  And this is where suffering is entirely optional.  But before you start hauling your butt into gear to lose that 25 pounds, let’s take a quick look at the changes you wish to see.

You don’t have to change a darn thing that you think someone else wants you to change, unless it resonates with you.  If your guy says he’ll stop ogling other women if you get back to the weight you were when you met in college (before those two fabulous kids) but you feel healthy and comfortable and rock-star solid in your size 10s, then think about the resolution to lose the weight.  If, on the other hand, your guy adores you and couldn’t care less if you were a size 2 or a size 22, but you’re still feeling that a dress size down would be a good thing for your heart and your asthma, then that’s great.  

One choice puts you in charge (and makes the suffering non-existent) and the other, well, it hands the reigns over to someone other than yourself and it’s going to lead to more suffering in the change department.  

Do the hard work before you set down those resolutions, desires and visions for the new year – get clear on what you really want and why you want it.  Whether it’s a new house or new job or more fulfillment in your daily life – knowing the why behind your intention makes suffering obsolete.  I challenge you to review your New Year’s list with an eye to the “why.”  If you have anything on that list that you have no idea WHY you want, just dump it and move forward with the ones that really speak to your heart.  Those that resonate are part of your life purpose, those that don’t, aren’t.  When you choose change so that you can be in greater alignment with your purpose, suffering will be non-existent.  You’ll find the courage, the support and the tools you need to move forward easily and effortlessly.

May you move with joy to everything you’d like in 2010!

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