2012 ushers in a new year, and not just any year, but an election year. Out with the old and in with the new. While I don’t consider myself a political person, I feel the need to toss my hat into the ring this year. You don’t have to worry about lofty campaign speeches or promises I will never be able to uphold as I only have one platform and it’s really up to each and every American as to whether or not it succeeds. No—it has nothing to do with healthcare or the budget deficit. My platform is Valentine’s Day Reform. It’s about time someone focused on revamping this Hallmark/FTD holiday and turn it back into something meaningful—something we can all embrace—not just the lovebirds or the elementary school kids.  Yes—for those of you who have been reading my column for the past ten years—you know how I go weak in the knees for those boxed Valentine’s Day cards the kids pass out in homeroom. I remember rushing home with my little brown bag full of Peanuts, Warner Bros., and Disney Valentines with the smeared # 2 pencil scrawlings. I can practically taste the excitement and love that went into each of those little white envelopes. But I digress…

My fellow Americans, a vote for Lori Welch is a vote for Valentine’s Day Reform. Yes—that’s right. Move over Kay Jewelers.  Move over Hallmark. Here’s my platform.  My fellow Americans will celebrate Valentine’s Day by showing an expression of love not to someone they love (or lust), but to someone to whom they’re not feeling the love for and/or showing the love to currently.  It’s a win/win.  People all over the country will (by the power of the Valentine’s Day Reform Act of 2012 law, Article IX.a23.02.lb9aj-03X) reach out to someone they’re in conflict with and mend a fence. Picture it—Republicans and Democrats alike will spend the day hugging and texting, “I heart u” to each other.  Perhaps Sarah Palin will send a Beauty and the Beast Valentine to Hillary. President Obama could send a SpongeBob to Mitt. The Donald might send Rosie a Richie Rich “I’m sweet on you” card. Angelina could send a Kung Fu Panda “I can’t bear another Valentine’s Day without you” note to Jennifer. The possibilities are endless. Fighting would cease, TMZ would go off the air, and there would be no need for Real Housewives Reunions. Where for art thou, NeNe and Kim?

My single constituents will no doubt wholeheartedly embrace Valentine’s Day Reform 2012 as the pressure will lighten up significantly for them both emotionally and financially. Best of all, Valentine’s Day will once again be safe for single Americans.  They will be able to leave the safety of their homes on February 14 and venture out into a restaurant of their choosing without the crippling fear that that the guy at the table beside them is going to drop to his knee and pop the question before the salad arrives.

Granted the folks at Hallmark and FTD probably aren’t going to be lobbying for Valentine’s Day Reform, but I think my campaign folks can come up with a well-rounded plan that focuses on forgiveness cards and Forget-About-It bouquets that will bring them over to my camp.  While I don’t currently have a lot of weapons in my campaign arsenal, I’m confident that the political pundits will be in my corner and before you know it CNN and FOX correspondents alike will be ringing my phone off the hook asking for interviews. I’ll skip right over those boring campaign commercials—let’s face it, no one wants Phaedra, Sheree, Kyle or Camille interrupted for a political ad.

Real Housewives (no—seriously—the real ones—like your neighbors) will be pleased that their husbands didn’t spend $300 on a dozen roses to make up for the fact that he forgot their anniversary and/or got her a toaster for Christmas. I imagine my campaign coffers will be overflowing once the male populous gets wind of Valentine’s Day Reform. What guy wouldn’t be game to send an apology to his mother-in-law in order to save $500 for a night out on the town on America’s most expensive night on the town.  Ladies—I’m not suggesting that your love muffin write off Valentine’s Day altogether, but I think foregoing some over-priced chocolates is a small price to pay for peace on earth. And finally, no woman anywhere will ever again have to endure watching a floral delivery person waltz past her desk to her co-worker whose boyfriend of three days sent her twelve dozen long stems.  Oh sweet Jesus.  What woman wouldn’t vote for that? I can practically see the tears of joy flowing from all those grateful women.

And what kind of candidate would I be if I didn’t lead by example…

Happy Valentine’s Day to the nice people at Capital One Mortgage.  I’m sorry I’ve been so frustrated with you for miscalculating my escrow. I hope you figure it out soon so you can “Be Mine” for another 26 years.

Happy Valentine’s Day.  I heart my Single Space readers!

Lori Welch is the owner of JCL Services, Ltd., the area’s premier personal concierge and professional organizing company serving clients in the DC metro area since 2001 and recently named “Best Home Organizer” by Northern VA magazine. www.jclservicesltd.com.

If you’d like to wish Lori a Happy Valentine’s Day, drop her a note at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it