I recently received a postcard in the mail with the words, “Imagine Your Life Without Fear,” written on the front.  The picture showed a young boy diving off a pier into a big blue body of water.  It was sent out by a church advertising a series of seminars on overcoming fear.  I never made it to any of the lectures, but I still have the card hanging on my refrigerator door.  I’m certain that many of you have been busy writing out your New Year’s Resolutions-- hopefully you haven’t broken them yet--but how about coming up with a New Year’s Fear List. Actually, let’s be positive and call it your “Courageous” List.  The list will include things that you are going to be courageous about in 2010.  Think of the things you’ve been procrastinating doing because of fear.  What are the things that you’ve been holding back from doing because of that little voice in your head that keeps saying, “You can’t do that—remember, you’re afraid of [fill in the blank]. “ Have you wanted to take salsa lessons, but you’re afraid your friends will make fun of you? Is your dream to be a good swimmer, but you’re afraid of the water?  Do you want to write, but you’re afraid your stuff isn’t up to par?

In an effort to channel my inner courage, I grabbed a book from the shelf by Chris Prentiss called “Be Who You Want, Have What You Want.” In it, Prentiss stresses that fear is a product of our imagination, and that courage and fear go hand in hand. “Courage is what you bring forth to do the things you’re afraid to do. For courage to be necessary, fear must be present.  Without fear, courage is unnecessary.”   Basically, fear is just one of those many emotions like sadness or anxiety that we choose in a given situation.  It’s a feeling that’s different for each of us. Spiders and snakes give me the heebeegeebees while others have them as pets—correction—some CRAZY people have them as pets.  I have no problem, on the other hand, getting up in front of a crowd of people to speak.  Standing up to do karaoke, however, gets my knees a’knockin’.  Whatever makes you “fearful,” remember that fear is only one option—the other option is courage.

As a single person, perhaps you’re fearful of never finding a partner. Perhaps you’d like to go on more dates, but you’ve had some bad experiences that have left you feeling anxious about putting yourself “out there.”  Maybe you’re getting out of a long-term relationship or have just gone through a divorce and are feeling a little gun shy.  This is not uncommon, you may feel alone but you’re not!  Heck—if I had a dollar for every bad dating experience I’ve had, I’d be writing this column from aboard my yacht, the S.S NoThanksfortheMemories.  I’ve learned to push away my fears about dating because I’m confident that I’m learning from my experiences—and there are no bad experiences—just lessons to be learned.

Prentiss says, “‘feeling afraid’ only means that fear is present, but beyond that immediate feeling of fear is only your expectation of a bad result. If you were completely certain that the situation would turn out perfectly—in fact to your greatest benefit—fear would be absent; in fact, you would proceed with confidence.”  Think about it—fear is a product of your imagination.  If you thought the outcome would be great, you’d have no problem getting up in front of a crowd to croon, “Lady in Red.”  This is why competitive athletes use visualization techniques.  Runners visualize themselves crossing the finish line before the race even begins.  Football players visualize themselves scoring the winning touchdown.  They don’t kneel down before the big game, close their eyes and visualize the “what ifs.”  What if I get tackled and break my leg? What if I cause an interception? What if the fans think I don’t deserve to be here?  If you’re going to cloud your imagination with “what ifs” why not use positive ones?  What if I get named MVP? What if Cameron Diaz is in the stadium and wants to meet me after the game? Isn’t that a lot more fun?

Instead of starting the New Year off with things that you aren’t going to do, let’s start on a courageous note with things you are going to do like taking singing lessons or writing that novel or putting your profile up on Match.com!  Once you realize that fear is only a negative emotion, you can push it aside with a corresponding positive thought.  Visualize yourself jumping out of the plane, pulling your shoot, and landing safely on the ground!  Prentiss encourages readers to “up our ante” in the game of life.  “Bring to the game all of your honor, all of your capability, all of your effort, all of your courage, all of your strength!”  Deal me a winning hand of courage for 2010.

Lori Welch is the owner of JCL Services, Ltd., the area’s premiere personal concierge and professional organizing company serving clients in DC/MD/VA since 2001.  JCL was recently named “Best Concierge” and “Best Closet Organizer” in Northern Virginia magazine.  If you’d like to comment on Single Space, send Lori an email at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

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