Scarf or perfume? Tie or after shave? Chia pet or ginsu knives? These are the questions that haunt us during the holiday season. It is better to give than to receive, but we all really want to give something meaningful—something that lets the recipient know that we care, that we REALLY know them and that we listen to them (yes—we got those subtle hints you’ve been dropping about a new putter).
This year I have the perfect gift, and I won’t have to stand in line or drain my checking account. It will ship immediately and it is truly one size fits all. I’m giving my friends and family the gift of being present this holiday season. Actually—it’s probably more a gift to myself. Every year I rush around and barely remember to breathe through the holiday season. In between work (which is typically crazy this time of year, but no complaints) and trying to fit in some holiday fun, I’m a beat up, tired hot mess by the time I sit down to be with my family. Truth be told, there have been a few years where I skipped right over White Christmas and went directly to Blue Christmas. I traded in baby Jesus, three wise men and a manger for a big ol’ pity party. Poor me alone again at the holidays. Poor me having to sit at the kiddie table yet again. Poor me having to schlep to everyone else’s house for the holidays. Oy vay. It’s enough to make the Grinch look like Betty White. Clearly what I really needed for Christmas was a nice block of havarti to go with that whine.
My ghosts of Christmas past have included partying myself through the fa-la-la-la-las, working with the hope they’d just go away and/or total avoidance. I didn’t even put up a tree last year. “What’s the point—I’m too busy. It’ll just be another thing to add to my to do list.” Bah humbug, right? This year, however, is going to be different. This year something in me shifted, and I realized that no matter what is going on (or not going on in my life), I only have one shot at being happy and that’s right now, in this present moment. It can’t be that I’ll be full of holiday cheer when I wake up beside George Clooney on Christmas morning. It can’t be when the first snow falls. It has to be right now. Maybe I’m all Kris Kringly because of my emergency surgery over the summer, but it finally occurred to me—I don’t have the promise of another Christmas with myself, let alone with my dad, brothers, sisters-in-law, nieces, nephews, cousins, friends, etc. For certain, none of us are getting any younger, and for certain—you never know what tomorrow holds in store.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I’m boycotting the Gap or Best Buy. I’m just saying that if you run into me there, don’t be surprised if I’m humming Jingle Bell Rock or caroling merrily down the aisles. Okay—humming and caroling might be a stretch, but I’m not going to be a million miles away wishing my life was any different than it is. Maybe I’m wrong, but I think a lot of single people have found themselves sipping some bitter eggnog this time of year. You know who you are. Here are a few tips I’m planning to embrace to keep my holidays merry and bright. Consider them my gift to you.
Be thankful. Instead of writing my wish list from the Nordstrom catalog, I’m writing my “thankful” list from my heart. I’m thankful for my health, my family, my home, my ability to earn an income, Jon Hamm, and dark chocolate. If your list starts with “I’m thankful the holidays are almost over” or “I’m glad grandma got run over by that reindeer,” put your paper down and proceed to #2.
Make plans. I’m going to be proactive about making fun plans with my friends. If I’ve learned anything, it’s don’t sit around and wait to be invited—do the inviting. Plan a party or a fun outing. Buy some tickets to the Nutcracker and invite your friends or co-workers.
Go to bed. I know that if I don’t get plenty of sleep, drink lots of water, and take care of myself, I’m going to end up in the fetal position sucking my thumb under the tree. I’m also going to do something nice for myself. A $15 manicure soothes my soul somehow. Good lovin’ starts with self lovin’ and brightly polished nails.
Turn up the tunes. Music soothes the savage beast, and I bet it can melt your Grinch-like heart. I’m mixing some Fergie, India Arie and Toby Keith with my Bing this year when I need some pep in my step.
Change the channel. Note to self—get out of your own head! Baby—I know it’s cold outside, but we’ve got to venture out into the world. All those thoughts swirling around in your pretty little head will be there when you get back. I promise.
Remember the reason for the season. Give to others. Do something for someone else. I’ve already scheduled time to wrap presents. Giving four hours of your time to someone else will truly be the best present you can give to yourself.
Invoke your inner kid. Don’t laugh, but recently while I was out shopping for a friend, I picked up a coloring book and some crayons and spent the evening trying to stay inside the lines. It was something my mom and I used to do together when I was a little girl and it felt good to transport myself back to a simpler time. It was immensely comforting, relaxing, and fun. Get out the glitter and glue and make some cards or holiday decorations. A little Elmer’s makes us all feel six years old again.
Eliminate the guilt. Not everyone has Walt and June Cleaver for parents. If your family zaps your holiday spirit, limit your time with them and don’t feel guilty about it. Get out of the hustle and bustle and take a brisk walk. Steve Jobs didn’t invent that iPod for nothing. Strap it on and drown out the sounds of your Aunt Joan and Uncle Marvin arguing for five or ten minutes.
Spend some quality time with Fido or Sylvester. Dogs and cats are the masters of staying in the moment. You don’t see them stressing over whether to get cousin Jeff the Justin Beiber or Lady Gaga chia pet.
Create your own holiday tradition. Maybe it’s to go see the tree lighting ceremony or harness your inner Clark Griswold with your outdoor lights. Whatever it is, own it. One of my favorite traditions that I look forward to each year is adopting a family for the holidays through Alexandria’s Department of Health and Human Services. They provide e me a list with names, sizes, favorite colors and each child’s “wish” for the holidays. I may not have my own kids, but I have kids at the holidays. Even though I’ve never met any of the kids, it gives me a great deal of pleasure to know that I’m making someone else’s holiday a little brighter.
Whatever the holidays hold in store, stay positive, stay focused and stay present. Enjoy the sounds and smells. Relax and take some deep breaths. A new year will soon be upon us—full of hope and new beginnings.
May your holidays be merry and bright.
Lori Welch is the owner of JCL Services, Ltd. (www.jclservicesltd.com), the area’s personal concierge and professional organizing company serving clients in the DC metro areas since 2001 and recently named “Best Home Organizer” by Northern Virginia magazine.
Share your holidays stories and experiences with Lori at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
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