In last month’s Single Space column, “Mother Knows Best,” I wrote about many of the things I learned from my dear Mom. As is fitting, the June column should mention Dad in honor of Father’s Day. I have learned a lot from dear old Dad—as well as my three brothers—and since they are all Dads, I’ll honor them a bit as well and thank them for inviting me into their wide, wild world.

I’m not really sure honoring Dad in my Single Space column is quite appropriate because, frankly, I think he’s part of the reason I’m still single. My Dad set some pretty high standards in “guydom” and taught me to never settle for anything less than what I wanted and/or deserved. Now—that’s not to say that I haven’t met and/or dated a lot of really nice guys, and I don’t think I have some weird “daddy” complex. At least my therapist doesn’t think so (just kidding!). I do believe, however, that as kids we observe our parents and we either try to model them and/or model our mate after them. Guys apparently are always looking to date someone just like dear ol’ mom—I know—it’s very Freud’ish, but there probably is some truth to it. Think about it. Unless your parents were totally dysfunctional, their job was to love, nurture and protect you. Pretty appealing qualities, right? How they loved, nurtured and protected us was probably a little unique. Maybe love to you is someone cutting the crust edges from your PB&J because that is what your Mom did for you? Or maybe love is someone calling you his little princess and showering you with attention because that is how daddy showed his love? Anyhow—I’m not a licensed psychologist, and I think I may be delving into subjects that require a $125 an hour fee and a license from some uber-bureaucratic board of something so let’s move on.

The underlying truth is that there were qualities that I saw in both my Dad and my brothers that are a deal breaker for me in a relationship. My dad was a blue-collar guy for his entire career so I grew up seeing a man who worked hard for his paycheck and never took a day off because, “guess what?” If he didn’t work, he didn’t get paid. When his union went on strike, he left us all behind and went to Canada to find work because he had five mouths at home to feed. In my adult-relationship mind, that has translated into my desire to find a mate who is hardworking and dependable.

I grew up in a very middle-income household, and with four kids, there was never a lot of extra money for anything, especially around the holidays. Somehow, we always still had a turkey on the table and gifts under the tree. And, everyone who crossed my Dad’s path got a holiday tip. We didn’t have dog walkers or cleaning people, but I can assure you that every paperboy and mailman got a little something extra in their stocking. Dad didn’t have a fear of never having enough, nor was he ever tight with his money. If he had it, it was yours. He continues to this day to live by the mantra, “it will all work out; it always does.” Sometimes I’m a little shaky on this one. I have my freak out moments of “why is this happening?” but I calm myself with the knowledge acquired over many years, “you know—Dad was right. Things do manage to work themselves out. “ It’s dad-yoga. Namaste, Dad.

When something broke in our house, we didn’t call plumbers or electricians. Heck—we barely called doctors. Between my Dad and my brothers, stuff got fixed. I recall one particular incident when all the neighborhood kids were playing softball in our backyard (as was the usual summer routine), when Karen Allen broke her finger trying to catch a fly ball. She started screaming, and my Dad, whom of course was ump’ing the game as he always did, walked over and set her broken finger right there. Probably wouldn’t do that these days for fear of litigation, but hey—it worked then. I remember being amazed when I discovered that my friend Janine took her Mazda into a service station to get the oil changed. “Don’t your dad or your brothers do that?” Of course, I’m a little bitter now that I have to handle these things on my own since I was spoiled for those many years, but I had a good run. I’ve witnessed my brothers build additions on their homes and custom Choppers in their garages. It’s pretty cool stuff, and I’m always like, “hey—how’d you learn that? Was Dad in the basement teaching classes on things like ‘Choppers 101’ when I was out at the mall?” When and where did my brothers learn all this cool stuff? Trust me when I say that it wasn’t like I was in the kitchen learning how to make potato salad while my Dad had them sequestered in the garage (we didn’t have one) learning words and phrases like, “soffits” or “dual exhausts.”

My dad and my brothers were always there to protect me and look out after me. They encouraged me to share their world, rather than exclude me from it. My dad bought me a Honda XR-75 motorcycle when I was ten years old. He didn’t pat me on the head and say, “Motorcycles are for boys—go pick yourself out a pretty little doll, sweetheart.” Heck no. He threw my brothers and me in the truck, and took us out to a big field where my brothers taught me how to ride as he beamed with pride at his little girl. Okay—and he also ran out and bought me a stars and stripes helmet just like Easy Rider which I wasn’t thrilled about especially since my brothers thought it would be funny to call me, “Cheesy Rider,” which somehow stuck for years after the motorcycle was gone. Ugh. I can’t believe I just put that in print since it took me about twenty years to shake that moniker. Anyhow—I learned how to bait my own hook, play Follow the Queen, bet a straight, and mix a mean Jim Beam and Coke thanks to my dear dad and brothers. I wouldn’t trade that education for all the coffee at Starbucks. So Dad, Phil, Chuck & Marty—I’m grateful to have learned so much from you—thanks for sharing your world with me! Welcome the women of your life—spouses, daughters, moms, girlfriends, etc.—into your wide, wild world and see what happens. Stay tuned as next month as I’m hoping to step into the manly world of bass fishing. Steve C.—where are you? I’m ready for my lesson!

Happy Father’s Day to all the great dads out there. We love you! XOXO

Feel free to e-mail me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it !

Lori Welch is the owner of JCL Services, Ltd. a personal concierge and professional organizing company serving clients in DC/MD/VA since 2001. www.jclservicesltd.com.

< Prev		Next >