At 40-something, I’m finally (thank God) beginning to clue in on a few things, i.e., 3 glasses of wine = fun; 6 glasses = the opposite of fun.  Good looking guys are hot.  Smart, nice, funny guys are hotter.   The grass isn’t always greener on the other side―whatever the other side represents, i.e., having more money, being married, or living in the country.  Whatever “it” is, the truth of the matter is that “its” grass probably isn’t any softer, warmer, sexier, [fill in the blank] than the grass your pretty pedicured toes are planted in right now.  It’s natural to be curious about life on the other side of our own white picket fence.  Life on the other side can be mysterious, alluring and maybe even a little scary.

As a single woman, the greener side for me represents people who are in solid, committed relationships, aka “couples grass.” I’ll be the first to admit that I get all doe eyed when I look at a lot of couples.  “Look how cute they are together; I bet they are so in love.  She is so lucky to be able to crawl into bed with him every night.  He probably takes such good care of her that she doesn’t have a worry in the world.  He probably fills her car up with gas, mows the lawn, and fixes the leaky faucets.  You can tell they adore each other.”   How cool is that to have a partner to share your journey, right?  But then, for a single person, it’s really disappointing when you find out that the perfect wife who probably doesn’t want for anything had too many glasses of wine and tongue danced the bartender at happy hour last week.  Or maybe the perfect husband is having the proverbial affair with his assistant, Ross.  Single people take that kind of news hard.  I vividly remember the day I found out that my dear friends Kim and Johnny were getting a divorce.  I was devastated.  They were the couple I idolized, and I wanted to be just like them when I grew up.  

People in relationships often envy those of us basking in the “single grass,” but let’s face it,  single grass is a mystery to everyone―even other single people.  If I had a dollar for every time I was asked, “why are you single?,” I’d be writing this column from my fully-staffed yacht instead of my front porch.  My married friends are envious that I get to do whatever I want, whenever I want.   They think my days consist of yoga classes, facials, massages, 5-course wine-drenched lunches and steamy sex with George Clooney.  Don’t get me wrong―single life is great.  I do whatever I want, whenever I want.  I can pretty much take out the garbage morning, noon or night―in my underwear even.  How cool is that?  Married men freak out when their wives hang out with single women.  In married guy language “single woman” translates to horny chick who will lead my virtuous wife into the arms of an orgy.  Who needs a hobby when there are men in our villages to be bedded, right?

Let’s debunk some single women mysteries.  While I may generalize and assume I’m speaking for the masses aka my peeps, the truth is that I’m speaking for me.  Friends who know me well often ask me how I can write this column―how I can be so open and honest.  I can do it because I’m a writer, and I don’t know any other way.  So, from my 40-something single woman’s heart…

We love men.  You guys are fun and funny and smart and playful and cute and charming and handy and sexy when you’re not being hurtful and cocky and arrogant.  I’m sure you could, and probably do, say the same thing about us.  We’re beautiful when we’re fun and affectionate and loving and kind and sexy and adorable when we’re not being overly-sensitive and moody and bitchy.  

Many of us don’t have “get married” on our daily to do lists.  As a matter of fact, many of my contemporaries aren’t looking for anything more than steady companionship with someone they love, respect and trust.

Believe it or not, a lot of us don’t want or need your money.  If we are dating you, it’s because we like you for who you are and not for what you do, how much money you make or what you drive so quit being so darn paranoid.

We are all merely human beings trying to figure things out as we go along.  On occasion we say stupid things and have inappropriate reactions to situations, which probably means:  a) we’ve personalized something that we shouldn’t have, b) you’ve hit a raw nerve, c) we are PMSing, or perhaps d) all of the above.  Congratulations―it’s your lucky day.

We like sex just as much as you do.  There I’ve said it.  Dad―forgive me.  What we don’t like is sex with men who don’t value us as a person or who think they’re owed it because they bought us dinner.  The majority of us don’t want to have sex with those of you who are having sex with multiple partners.  That isn’t a turn on to us.  We like your undivided attention and don’t like to share our toys.  Sorry.  

Most single women (and men for that matter) I’ve met aren’t bitter and jaded.  We all have our moments, but for the most part, we are happy, well-adjusted people.  Most of us are even potty trained.  We love men.  We get hurt when men disappoint us.  We vent about our feelings and then, when we’re ready to get back on the dating bike, we peddle onward and upward.

You can’t generalize anything―because I’m a single woman doesn’t mean that I love to shop, gossip and lure random men into my bed.  Okay―I do love to shop.  Speaking of shopping, I recently went to Shecky’s Girls Night Out (www.girlsnightout.sheckys.com) which is shopping on crack.  Jewelry, clothing, accessories, hair products, make-up and cocktails.  If it weren’t for the hordes of women pushing and clawing to get to the bargains, it could be heaven on earth.  Check it out the next time it’s in DC.

Yes―we have sexual fantasies, and no they don’t include hot, lesbian chicks or threesomes.  Those are your fantasies, not ours.  Speaking of fantasies, I took a stroll into a “couples boutique,” La Tache in Old Town Alexandria the other week.  I was doing research for my column―gotta love this gig.  Remember―I’m single so I can do whatever I want whenever I want.  From all the brew-ha-ha (more on that later), I think LaTache, like single women, is a little misunderstood and getting a bad rap.  Isn’t sex supposed to be beautiful, romantic and FUN?  Why is it that we take sex so seriously all the time?  Why can’t we all admit that we like sex and just get on with it and have some fun while we’re at it?  Yes―those “novelty” stores have things that aren’t appealing to me, but they’re appealing to someone so who am I to judge?  Truth be told, they have things in the store that I had to ask for instructions―I didn’t even know what body part it’s intended for.  I think we’ll save that for Single Space’s next column, Sex and the Single Girl - Part Two:  Toys Gone Wild.  

During a heated discussion, a man I briefly dated said to me, “now you know why you’re still single.”  It was a hurtful thing for him to say, but the truth of the matter is that: a) being “still single” isn’t a negative; and b) if you’re of a certain age and “still single,” it’s probably because you don’t put up with B.S. and you don’t settle.  I happen to think that makes most single women very fortunate because they have the luxury (which many women do not) of not being dependent―financially or otherwise―on another person.  Isn’t that what we want to teach young women?  Does that mean that our grass is greener?  No, but it’s the perfect shade of green for us at this moment.

Lori Welch is the owner of JCL Services, Ltd., the area’s premier personal concierge and professional organizing service (www.jclservicesltd.com).  If you have comments about Single Space, please contact Lori at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

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